so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
