your room smells of hookers.
And success
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
as a side note pls kill me
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
