I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It's shark week go big or go home
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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