Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
