cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
