are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
