So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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