Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
