if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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