I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
