hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I came so hard my ears popped.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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