How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
