I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
