Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
