I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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