Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
