How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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