Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Pants 0. Shit 1.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
