i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
