That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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