why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
