im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i wish my penis had a tongue
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
