I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
