She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You ruined the universe
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize