I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
