Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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