Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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