Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
either way he was missing a nipple.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
