you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Randomize
