I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
