You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
