he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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