haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
