benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
