omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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