I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
