apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize