I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
