just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
