It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
