Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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