opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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