I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
