she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
