Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
