Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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