I'm lost and stupid without you.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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