That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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