the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
