The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
