i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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