my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
