dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I have fence marks all over my body
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
