all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize