i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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