I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
