My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
