I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
