I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
