dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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