my sisters under your porch take her home
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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