im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
