My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
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