I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize