party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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