And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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