people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
