census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
