and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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