and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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