So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize