lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
