You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
