i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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