Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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