you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize