It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
