I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
