she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize