ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
