She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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