Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
