took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize