So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
