pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
