Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We are all done wearing pants today
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