We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize