they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
