..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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