Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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