My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
