careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
