First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
