found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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