hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
