i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize