I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
